Slut skills are useful in every country.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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