I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
