i can't believe i had my finger in that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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