i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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