Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
