I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
