Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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