who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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