I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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