Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want her autograph on my taint
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
