He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
