Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
