Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
