All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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