So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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