I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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