The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
