It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
