My first STD was from a foam party
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
