My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Everything about him screamed your future.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
