He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He better not be in your backpack
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
