You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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