I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think i have two assholes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
