put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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