omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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