i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just pee around me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
