She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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