where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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