My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
