I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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