I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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