thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
