the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
