Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
