I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
