I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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