somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
