I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
