Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
