you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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