So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
