if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
