I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
