He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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