Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
