the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
