All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
