Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
