This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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