Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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