I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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