Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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