Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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