some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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