I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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