doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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