it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
