Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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