We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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