so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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