I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
