ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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