Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
