Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
