Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
