my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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