Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
