I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
