that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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