I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
