I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
