Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
two words: eviction party
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
