I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
