She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
