There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
