Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
