My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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