Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
