she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
