There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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