thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Come on in and take your pants off
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