she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
