Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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