I CAN MOONWALK!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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