Don't you send me to vm
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
