hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
love makes seman taste better
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
